February 6th 2024 11:00 AM 

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So what's your medium? What do you do?

Films, and, well, I'm getting into playwriting, too.

Lot of people say that they make films, they make movies, and usually they're referring to, you know, digital content but you do something a little different, right?

Yeah, I shoot on Super 8.

Very cool.

*Leans into the mic*

I shoot on Super 8.

*Laughs* And how long have you been doing that?

Since, not that long, I started like two years ago.

And you are a big film head- So I have a quick question, if you could reshoot any film, any film that you might like, but you think, “I could do it better”, what film do you think it would be?

My first film.

Why is that?

Because I just lost footage… Also my second film, I also lost footage. So if I could reshoot, I would reshoot both of those because I want it to be more… It's too experimental, I like experimental, but I do want more of a narrative. And because I lost footage, the narrative kind of died a little.

If you could choose to have shot any movie, what would it be?

Arrebato. By Iván Zulueta, he's a Spanish filmmaker.

It was shot in 1979. That is one of my favorite movies because Ivan was a big experimental filmmaker, he shot in Super 8 for a lot of his short films. I just feel a spiritual connection to the guy.

Why that movie specifically?

Because it's about a filmmaker who's hooked on heroin and then the Super 8 possesses him. It's such a good story. I wish I thought of that.

Also, I wish I was there, where he shot because it's so beautiful. During that time, and the house he shot at, everything was just gorgeous. The textures and everything.

Is there anyone out there right now that, given the opportunity, you would drop everything to work with? Director, Actor, a Sound Scorer, etc.

Well, most of my heroes are dead. (Laughs) But I want to work with Robert Eggers. I love him.

I think he's-- actually, I love Michael Haneke. I would drop everything for him.

What does he bring to the table in your eyes?

His movies are just terrifying, but it's never seen on screen.

Just harrowing and really dark and violent, but it's not so violent that it's in your face.

Out of all of his work, what would you recommend someone start with?

I recommend you start with Caché, I love that one, or Funny Games, or the- I mean, they're all good. They're all good.

You personally, would you say you have any muses?

Old people. I just find old people very interesting, like their faces, their textures of their skin, their wisdom.

Is it that they lend themselves to light crafting or-?

More that young people are just very aware of themselves. I feel like older people are more comfortable with themselves. So they're able to be more vulnerable when I shoot them versus young people.

I have to convince (young people) to be vulnerable and open. Old people are like- they know how they look. Usually they're okay with it.

I just like interesting faces. So I don't look for conventional beauty. And I feel like a lot of people my age want to be beautiful. That's just not very interesting to me personally.

Many times as a writer/filmmaker, you get people saying, “oh, the main character, is that you?”

How do you feel about that?

Well, I got asked if (Oh dear Lord, what’s wrong with your face?) was about my parents, which it's not. It's about tense familial relationships, which I do feel in my own life. But I exaggerated it extremely, just because I like that. But it doesn't necessarily mean that that reflects my family dynamics.

My therapist asked me, “So what does this mean? Is this your family, like your mother”, da da da, and I'm like, “no, no, it's just something I just like to do. Something in my brain and that’s how it read out.”

Is there anything that you might try to avoid in your work?

When you think of something and you think, oh, maybe that's too close?

No, because if I think about what the audience thinks, it's over.

I'm never gonna make what I want to make if I'm just thinking about, “Well, what are these people gonna think?” Even my parents included.

What's next? What do you have coming up?

I wrote a play.

So I just have to get a grant because it's expensive.

I'm also writing a film about my mother but it's more realism versus absurd. I've written a bunch of other stuff, but I also am currently working on a really, really short film. It's like about minutes.

Is there anything, or what, if anything, do you feel might come up that might hold you back when you're working on something?

Well, when I worked on my film, it was like the best and the worst thing that I've ever done. It was the best because I was doing what I wanted to do, which is make something like a movie and represent, try to get exactly what I'm thinking in my brain, on film. But it's also the worst thing because I was under a lot of pressure. I was miserable the whole time, which is just how I work.

At the time it was so hard to explain to people, ‘Yes, actually, like I'm really suffering right now, mentally and emotionally and physically, but this is what I want to do with the rest of my life.’

It is really, really hard and stressful because you're scared.

You're like, ‘I'm spending so much money. I don't even know what's going to happen. I don't know if I can even do this.’

I remember when I was on set and I didn't drink any water, I didn't eat any food, and I went to the bathroom and I almost blacked out, I almost just fainted.

Then I was looking in the mirror, I was like,

‘What am I doing?’

I'm freaking out.

And then when you go back out there and everyone's asking you a million questions and they're pulling you a million different ways and you're like, ‘Oh my God, I can't do this.’

But then you have to remember that you're new.

I always have to remind myself, you know, I just started doing this.

It takes years to develop your craft.

Don't be in a rush.

That's number one.

And, like, in 20 years I'm going to obviously be in a different headspace, more confident.

‘Cause the one thing about directing is faking your confidence, which is what I definitely do because I'm not feeling very confident on set, especially because I didn't go to film school.

That's not really the number one thing, but it's hard when people are asking you cause they went to film school, so they have all these technical questions and you're like,

“Wait, what does that mean?”

“Can you please explain what that means?”

As someone who's not a man, you know, one of my actors kept talking down at me and trying to direct. So it's just about tackling people talking down at you, not believing in you.

Any advice that you gave yourself or (advice) that worked for you that you could give others to boost that confidence?

You are the one with the vision, not someone else.

It's your film, so you are the one who has the vision and you just have to trust that everything's going to be okay.

Even if it's not. You just gotta lie to yourself, that's the only advice I can give.

You just have to make, because so many people are scared of making stuff. They're scared of what people will think of them and that's what holds many people back and so I refuse to do that.

Any last words?

Just do it because you want to do it and don't think about other people.

Those are my last words.